Drowning in Motherdom

I think as a parent you try to instill in your children positive thinking and the brickwork to lay a constructive path in life. And at times we feel like we don't even follow our own rules and regulations. I'm feeling like I am sick of handing out punishments to try to get my children to steer clear of ____________, or to respect house rules, etc. I also feel like there is only so much one parent can do. And although the child may feel like they are the one banging their head against the wall, they have no idea that their parents are doing the same thing on the other side of that plaster. It isn't like we were all right and ready to be parents, it is something we are learning too while showing a facade that we know what we are doing.
You know that blank stare, the one that says i am looking at you but I am not listening because you are reprimanding me for something....and I am going to do it anyway the moment you turn your back. And yes we want our children to make their own mistakes and we want them to learn the hard lessons on their own. We want them to explore the world and the future....
but in a non-self destructive way.
How come it has to aggravate us so much when the rule we have lain doesn't stick? How do we poker face it up so it seems like we have the authority and they don't, that we are still the rock and foundation of the household?
I have no idea the answers to all of these questions. But increasingly over the years I feel like I am drowning in motherdom with our eldest. I feel like i just need to provide a small amount of structure, if any, so that there is something for him to rely on. I feel like I should leave him be, in that he is a teenager and he probably feels he has better things to do than talk to me. I feel like I am always dishing out a sentence to make a point. I feel like i am always on edge as to whether I can fully trust or just give an inch and not turn my back to find the mile is gone.
I am frustrated that i wasn't there at the beginning until now of his life and haven't gotten the chance to see him develop into the person he is today. i have no idea why he does the things he does or says the things he says or feels the way he does about stuff and I really wish i had the correct insight to how all those early years went down. I am frustrated that I am the one who is raising him the majority of the time and that in that I have drawn a blank most days as to how to connect to our teenager. I should ask for help from the other two parents but I don't know how and don't want to cross lines. So i guess I feel like i am standing in the middle of a line for a soup-can telephone, on one end is the mother and the other side is the father and the line is the teenager being stretch so thin across 3 parents....but i don't get to talk.
I wonder if anyone else feels this way.

And yeah this is Karma for all the crap i put my parents through.

Here's some Far Sides: I have vivid memories of reading far side comics at my friend Rachel's house because the books were always in the bathroom. Her parent's always did have great humor....
anyway, Far Sides: