Today is Xir'es 1st birthday. Yet is won't be really celebrated until papa comes home. Post and I made a Vanilla cake with Pineapple Buttercream Frosting.
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| The Cake! |
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| Post's Cake in a bowl (ie left over crumbs and frosting) |
Pineapple butter cream Frosting
1/2c butter, creamed
4 cups powder sugar, sifted
3T pineapple, pureed and drained thoroughly
2T pineapple juice
-cream butter and sugar together until smooth
-Add pineapple and stir until smooth
-Add Juice and stir until smooth.
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| Mom is this whole thing for me? What do i do with it? |
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| Ok. That's Yummy but honestly I am proper (this is sticky), so let's do this properly. |
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| That's what I'm talking about. Let me trying doing it with a Spoon like my Big Brothers |
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| Oh wait I'm not ready i have cake on my face. |
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| Here Mama, Have a cake kissie. Mwa! |
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| Post i know you are being cute but get the heck away from my Birthday Cake. |
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| "Here Post snuggle with mama!" |
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| Xire's First Artistic creation (color pallet was limited) |
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| Post's Shirt (can't limit a toddler's color pallet.) |
Right before we left out of Colorado for our short stop in Salt Lake City. We had some amazing surprises occur….all in a week:
1. moving to SLC
2. Pregnant
3. My husband's job promotion and this meaning him being away from the family more…
so here is how it goes, I'll roll back a couple of months.
It is the beginning of July and I haven't seen my husband in a month. At the end of May we packed up our apartment in Boulder, CO and my husband went to work out of state, our oldest went to his mother's for the summer, and Post and I went to my parents for a bit to enjoy a Colorado summer and time with Oma and Opa. My Parents, Post and I went to Salt Lake City to try to find a place to live or at least an area. My husband arrived in Wyoming and decided to head 2 hours over to Salt Lake City to enjoy a night or so.
so
ahem….it was a doosie of a night. July 3rd, 2011
My husband went back to work and the rest of us arrived back in Colorado, short handed and feeling defeated for not finding a place for my family to live. I hurried on to finish my friends wedding dress for her wedding was coming up in a couple weeks. And within those couple of weeks interesting things began to happen between my mother and I. And all I will quote is my mother saying, "God I hope you start your period soon…"
My friend's wedding was beautiful. I was happy to be there and enjoy the love. I was happy to be alone while my parents cared for my little guy. I was happy to sit with all the pregnant mamas and mamas with new babies, while i missed my son sleeping quietly in bed. And I kept saying, "I'm not pregnant, but I want to be around your energy. I Love babies." Completely in bliss.
While in SLC at the beginning of that month of July I was getting some major cramping from my IUD and by the middle of the month and end of the month I could swear I could feel it right at my opening. So I called my midwife to get it removed.
I get there and she tells me my IUD is in my cervix and give it 2 weeks.... my body would have pushed it out. She says, "I think we should do a pregnancy test."
"I think so too; though I will tell you that by the way I have been acting and feeling…..I know I am pregnant," I replied.
SHUTUP, I was a month pregnant.
I had no idea at the wedding, and my friend told me later all the mamas told her when I had left 'she's pregnant.'
So, that is how I arrived in Salt Lake City, pregnant, homeless, and not feeling too hot.
Months later I could have sworn and wanted this little angel to be a girl…..but deep down i knew and loved that it was a boy. And the ultrasound was incredibly telling as I watched my sons sex flash like a space needle across to screen…..no hiding that one.
In the last months leading to his birth I collected almost 40 birth beads from family and friends and made them into bracelets to wear until he was born.
We planned out that my husband would work 2.5 months away leading right up to my due date or until the midwife said he needed to come home. And that is what he did. Xire was meant to come in March. The same month as his grandmother Terri's birthday, passing, and spreading of her ashes in the ocean the year before. At the beginning of the month I woke to a bright sunny morning and i felt incredibly connected to Xire. I then could feel Oma Terri's arms around me, embracing me as she whispered in my ear ' this one is for you….' A feeling of happiness and strength flowed over me and I knew this little one was coming soon.
On the 8th I had been feeling pretty ready, i could feel my body opening. I bought pastries to celebrate, ate them in the evening, and went to bed. I woke several times in the night feeling like the baby was coming. I remember dreaming that I was in labor and I went to the restroom and found my plug floating in the toilet only to find myself stressing out and crying, 'no no you can't come until papa is home i can't do this by myself.' I woke in the same state of mind: my body had changed and I can't do this without my husband. So a couple days later I went to my midwife and told her my dream and the contractions. She reported I was 3cm and she didn't doubt that my body would have had this baby had my husband been home, but was waiting for his return. But she said he needed to come home soon because this baby was coming.
So my husband came home shortly after that. I continued my yoga, we rode bikes all over town...yes about to bust and riding a bike all over SLC up hills and everything (who is that crazy pregnant woman? me). But I knew and had known all along that Xire was gonna wait a week after papa came home before he would come into the world. Over the next visits to the midwife I had opened more and had thinned more every time.
At one appointment the midwife in training check my cervix and could feel the pulse of Xire's head because he was so close. She gave us tips to help the process if we wanted, though i knew that nothing really will speed the process unless it is supposed to happen. So we tried it all from Papa trying to stretch out my cervix with his fingers to sex to breastfeeding Post more to riding bikes more to spicy Curries. Nope Xire wasn't coming on our clock, he was on his own time schedule. I wanted him to come St. Patti's day and I was dancing Irish step dance and Jigs for hours.... and this child wasn't coming though he was sooooooo close to the door and I was thinned so much. he wasn't budging!
Well come the 23rd, we woke up, went for a bike ride, came home ate some pizza per the suggestion of our cousin Amy, Made love, nursed my son, and took a nap. Here I would like to note that since the 8th I was feeling contractions, not braxtons, in the evening and nothing really that noteworthy during the day though there was motion going on. I would also like to note that I was crazy nesting since the beginning of the month….i re-upholstered a chair, made a quilt for both of my children (brother quilt), cleaned, made food, built stuff, made a quilt for my cousin's baby…the day before I had decided my neighbor needed a cool bird feeder and had collected crafty things to make this.
So I woke from my nap thinking, i gotta make this bird feeder. I sat down and fiddled with glue and strips of kindling (the newspaper and adds you get in the mail) trying to get this feeder to shape like a bird around two balloons. Checking my contractions as they were lightly happening every 30-45 minutes, i wasn't really keeping too much track of the time because I had been false alarmed for weeks and they really weren't strong. My husband came out and asked how I was doing. He started to make some food and I decided it was time to go get a mango-basil smoothie down the street at the Solstice Cafe. He looked at me and said, "i should go with you."
"no, i'll be fine. It's only a 5 minute walk."
"no, i'll put Post in the backpack and we will walk down there."
(good papa)
So as we left we joked with the neighbors, the on going joke, 'the baby's coming today, hahahahaha.'
We explained we were going for a smoothie. We walked down the street and my contractions got a bit more intense but not so intense I needed to stop and pay attention. We get to the cafe and papa tells me he is going to go with Post to look at the koi in the pond. I stand in line to order, place my order and decided to stand off to the side to look out the window while i waited….
Wait! what was that. OMG where is my husband, I can't move.
I wait for my smoothie as i am clocking my contractions 15…..10……5 minutes apart.
OMG this baby is coming.
My husband gets back from the fish and I tell him what is going on so we slowly exit the cafe, about as fast as you can while in labor. The walk home was a hard one. My son was concerned something was really wrong with mama as i dug my head into my husbands chest. Then he got it and started petting my head to make me feel better. We get to the house and I tell my husband, "Call the midwife and tell her my contractions are 5 minutes apart! Call Heather and tell her to come get Post!" All this while I am clinging to a window for maximum fresh air. I felt fine while on our walk back but now in the house i felt panic! I can't have my baby here there is too much chaos! This isn't my happy place. OMG fresh air please fresh air.
On the ride over to the midwives (thank god it was only a 5 minute drive away). I sat with my hands bracing my nether regions from the seat because I couldn't even sit, Xire's head was right there. We arrived over every bump and stop light. My husband stopped the car and I remember thinking, "Get me the hell out of this thing. I'll just go over to this tree and have this baby right here under it."
He helped me out and I remember thinking, OMG these contractions are so close!
The midwife arrives at BetterBirth birthing suite and opens the door. I take one look at the stairs and say, "I'm not going up there you have to carry me." So my husband the perfect King he is swooped me up and carried me up the stairs. He laid me on the bed as the other midwife arrived saying she was so happy to make it, she was worried i'd have the baby right on the door step. They check me and I remember one of the midwives saying, "she is…opening up right now….….completely effaced and 10cm." she was surprised. They asked me If I wanted to get in the bath tub and I joyfully said yes. At that point my contractions were a minute and a half apart.
They filled it and as i got in, in between contractions, I decided the only way i could be in that tub was if i was in a position providing comfort like Temple Gradin's Hug Machine (google her). So a hug machine is like a squeeze chute for cows it apples a bit of pressure under confines of space to provide a calming effect. So here I am in a tub on all fours, forearms on the base, knees pressed to the walls of the tub, and my face as close to the water as possible without my lips actually touching. I remembering doing horse lips with my breath and letting my lips vibrate barely on the water with my exhale. I knew i needed to open up more, if i was going to be in this position and just let him do his magic on his own. I remember needing to push before my water had broken. And i remember the bubble-bursting feeling when it had. I remember the jazz station on Pandora kept intervening with songs that were not jazz and me cursing at the song while telling my husband in the most controlled voice possible to shut that sh** off, just so the correct soothing jazz song with Ella Fitzgerald's voice would fill my world. Both my children were born to jazz. I remember telling myself just let him come. Just breathe. I remember curling myself into a rabbit yoga position and pushing while the midwives held my hips down under water. I remember my head being under water and running out of air and thinking….wait. pause. ok now come up. I remember lifting my head up like a whale jumping out of the water and taking as big a breath i could before my head plunged back under my body to push. Dive Dive Dive. I remember imagining bubbles surrounding me as i let all my breath out. every. last. molecule. I remember the burning when his head emerged and all the pushes to get his little body out. I remember my midwives voice as i felt her hands pass my child to me. I remember looking down at this little beauty. so small, so angelic and innocent.
and then.
the tiniest, faintest wahhhh came from his mouth….then a pause…..then another faint wahhhhhhh……then a pause……then another faint wahhhhhhhh.
How precious this child is, i thought. I thought this as i heard "dream a little dream of me" float through the sound waves and tickle my ears,fill my heart.
My husband said he asked if i wanted him to video tape the birth and apparently i said no. But from what I heard from him and the midwives it was an incredible birth. They told me the whole tub would fill with bubbles and then there was a pause before my head would throw itself out of the water, take a breath and i disappeared again.
I was in labor 3.5 hours and within that time pushed for 30 min. Much shorter than post's birth and i am sure the next will fall right out.
Xire Linden Stoker was born March 23, 2012 at 1035p weighing 8 lbs and measuring 21 inches. He had an all natural water birth.
I love you Xire Bug. How incredible blessed I am to have you in my life. My little Zen baby, teach me your ways.
Love, mama
Below is a link to the song i recorded for xire, a remake on my ukelele.
CLICK IT!
Dream A Little Dream
